Boundaries

Control, boundaries and relationships!  Oh my!

They’re all connected, you know. Yes, it is hard to understand sometimes. But once you see, it’s so hard to unsee. I promise!

I talk A LOT about control, what you can control, what you can’t and how to navigate this. Closely related is how relationships work and what your responsibility is. The trap we fall into is that we want to tell people about themselves! We want to tell them what’s wrong with them, how they’re feeling, how they’re acting. That is not healthy or how its designed. Our job is to tell others about us. How we’re feeling. What we’re going to do, or not do.

We don’t truly know what’s happening inside another human. We barely can understand what’s inside us. Everything we see in another human is processed through our own lens. Think of it as wearing a pair of glasses. We see them and then decide on their truth based on our past experiences, thoughts, and outcomes. It is ALWAYS distorted. For true intimacy with another we need to step back and release all judgments. Then share how we feel and what we need. Then allow others to share about themselves. This all ties into boundaries too. A boundary is about you. It’s about what you will, or will not allow and what you will, or will not do. Boundaries are about your actions.

I see this in marriage and families so often. Especially towards children. Parents forget to ask what their feelings are and allow their children to tell them. Instead, adults assign feelings and say things like they’re grumpy, they’re miserable, they assign motivations to actions. In turn, children learn to look to someone else to tell them what they feel as they grow. It seems like good parenting, but it’s not and unfortunately the cycle continues.

Take a step back this week my friend. Focus on you. Focus on your thoughts and your feelings and your actions when in conversation. Then breathe and listen to them. Allow them to share freely. No judgments and no reactions. Just receiving. As we learn to do this it will improve your relationships drastically!

Have a good week, and remember, be a kind human.